He is my friend. He is my confidant. My counselor, my adviser, my colleague. He is my soon-to-be husband. He is my father, my disciplinarian. He is my fashion consultant. He is my baby sitter. He is my court jester, my lover, my protector. He is my everything. He never fails me. Through the good times and the bad times, he is always there. I couldn’t imagine life without him. Or rather, I couldn’t imagine him living very far away from me.
It’s been 15 hours since the plane took off. I really don’t know what I should feel.
The phone calls were done from evening till midnight. The fact that he’s already going away a few hours later wasn’t sinking yet. All I want to do was to make the most out of the time that he’s still here in the country. I wanted to stop him from leaving. I wanted him to stay. But I can’t. We have to take this challenge.
I’m sorry I wasn’t able to hold back my tears. I really admit that I am a weak person, especially when it comes to the people I do love. But I just want you to know that even though tears poured down my eyes, it didn’t mean that I don’t want to take this challenge. I know that it really is going to be hard, but I am willing to wait, no matter how long it will be. I do trust you. I trust that you will return for me. I believe in you. I know that by the time we see each other again, we are more proud of each other. I believe when you said that you love me. I know that you will never leave me.
Three o’clock ticked and I could feel something vibrating from under my pillow. Ringing phone. I answered it and was really joyous to hear his voice. Oh how I love to hear that voice. Maybe he doesn’t realize it, but talking to him really makes a difference. I am a very pessimistic type of person, but whenever he talks to me, all my fears and qualms are being driven away. My hopes are being regenerated. I could go on with my life. It may really sound exaggerated, but what I write now are really true. You could never understand a heart that is beating madly for someone.
That fact started to sink in at that moment. I started to think about many things – our memories, our dreams, our future, all the things that may happen. Melancholy started to wrap me. No matter how hard I tried, my tears kept on rolling down my cheeks onto the phone. I don’t know what to do. I really wanted to see him and hug him even for the last time before he departs. It’s my first time to say goodbye to someone I love deeply. Its really hard. Up to now, I’m really wishing that all of this is just a dream. I want to wake up realizing that he’s still here in the country. If that happens, I swear, I would really go see him and hug and kiss him for a very long time. I want him just here beside me. I became used to him being here with me always.
My heart was beating fast. My hands were getting sweaty. Was this really happening? Was he really leaving? Just yesterday I was with him, holding his hands, chatting with him happily. If only I could stop the time. I hate myself because I couldn’t do anything to pacify my feelings. All I could do was to just talk to him until the last minute before the plane departs. I couldn’t do anything but to cry silent tears. I want to go after him. I want to see him. I want him...
Time passed by so fast. It was already 6 o’clock in the morning. One hour and fifty minutes left. I really can’t believe that this is already happening. Time flew by so fast. Just seven months ago we were buying Christmas gifts together. I just hope that 2 years will be as quick as that. I wish that by tomorrow, two years are over.
I don’t want him to leave with the memory of me crying. I want to be strong for him. I know that if I’m strong, he also will be. I have to be tough and brave. I also want him to be proud of me. I love him more than anything else. I’m going to do my best in everything that I do. I am doing this for him and for God.
I guess there really are certain things that cannot be explained through words. I really don’t know how to express what I’m feeling right now. Even up to this minute, my tears are stubbornly flowing. Sabi nga ni Ralph, masarap umiyak. Yes. After crying, I know that I will feel better.
But I will really feel better and contented if you’d come back to fulfill your promise to me. As I’m always saying, I’m just here to wait for you. I won’t go anywhere. My heart belongs to you and to you alone. You’re the only one who could give the happiness that I want and need.
Always take good care of yourself and pray to God.
Baby, I love you.. I really do..
-written on july 24, 2007; 11.00 pm.
- MY LIFE STORY -
ako si mani..bakit mani? kasi masarap ako! haha (what the hell does that mean?) anyway, you found me, that's what's important..sabi sau e..hindi ako mahirap hanapin ^_^ thanks for bothering looking for me..even though i'm a mere nut only..thank you! i really appreciate your effort..
i want to be revitalized..i want to start anew..i'm getting tired of doing things that will seem to have no good outcome..i want to take back my pride, my dignity..
for those who have been hurt because of me, my actions, and my big mouth, i am very sorry..i know my faults, and i really want to make up for the mistakes that i have done..i have done my best and exerted a lot of effort..but to no avail. i have done my part and i think it is time to give myself a break..
please don't get me wrong..i am still here and is patiently waiting..but i guess i just have to let things be carried by the wind..i realized that sometimes, i really will not be able to control things..
and for those FEW people who could understand me and is always there beside me, thank you. i really thank you for being very patient to me..i just hope that you will never leave and will always be my friends.. =)
this is mani..and i hope you'll enjoy my new boring blog..haha XD
.lab ku.
tubig
sunlight
minerals
God
luis ^_^
green and yellow
.yak.
cockroaches
traffic jams
back stabbers
people pretending to be a somebody
